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Secrets and Lies
A Naruto Fanfic
By: Aaron Nowack

Disclaimer: In the year 2525, it is possible that through some improbable series of events Naruto will belong to me. Until then, Naruto is Kishimoto Masashi's. The text of this fanfic, however, is mine, and may not be used without permission.

The Hidden Village of the Leaf's Third Hokage was an old man. He tried to fight it, but more and more of the little duties he used to perform as a matter of course had somehow wound up being taken care of by the numerous chuunin who seemed to have nothing better to do than hang around waiting for him to delegate a task in a moment of weakness. Once that happened, it was almost impossible to get them to let him do the job himself again.

There was one task that the Hokage had made sure to never let slip from his fingers. Technically, it should have been a simple application of mathematics. So far as anyone knew, the new genin teams were carefully chosen to make the average scores as close as possible. In reality, the Hokage had set things up so that there was enough of a fudge factor that he could justify any conceivable arrangement.

Grinning to himself, the Hokage put the finishing touches on the assignments for this year's graduating class, then called in a chuunin to deliver it to the academy. As soon as he was alone again, he took out the crystal ball he used for scrying. This was going to be a fun year…

The next day…

Nervous was not a word that many would use to describe Uzumaki Naruto. Bold, yes. Loud, yes. Brash, of course. Stupid… well, everyone except for one Umino Iruka. Nervousness, however, was not a trait that many had seen the young boy display. It was something he had learned to hide at a far-too-early age, as with all signs of weakness.

Hatake Kakashi, despite his deliberately casual attitude, had done more than a little research on his soon-to-be students. Naruto in particular he had studied carefully, and he knew just how odd the blond kid's open display of nervousness was. It was one of countless tiny details that told him that his students' little speeches on their likes, dislikes, and dreams might have been only slightly more revealing than his own information-free example. He was actually sort of impressed.

"All right," he said, giving Naruto a serious stare with his visible eye. "You look like you want to say something."

Naruto shuffled his feet. "Umm… I'm… I… I don't know whether to say it. Iruka-sensei said I should, though. So…" he trailed off, taking a deep breath.

Kakashi's eye widened. Was he going to tell the other two about the Kyuubi? Half of his mind quickly began to race through memory-altering genjutsu, searching for one that could be applied without damaging the Uchiha and the girl. The other half futilely searched for less drastic damage-control strategies.

"It would probably be best to just show you guys," Naruto muttered as he stood, his hands forming a single, strange seal. Kakashi didn't waste time cursing, his mind shifting gears instantly as he began to search for a non-lethal way of stopping the kid. He was too late though, as with a sudden shout of "Release!" Naruto vanished in a puff of smoke. A moment later, the smoke faded and Kakashi blinked.

The changes weren't obvious, but there was something slightly different in Naruto's face. Particularly given the baggy clothing his student wore, it took Kakashi a moment to figure it out, but he hadn't been the student of the Hidden Leaf's third-biggest pervert - in turn the student of the village's second-biggest pervert - for nothing. "Huh." Well, that explained more than a few oddities from twelve years ago. It also neatly explained how a twelve-year-old boy had learned enough female anatomy to create the Sexy Technique.

"You're a girl." Haruno Sakura, until a moment ago the sole female member of the newly birthed Team Seven, twitched.

Naruto backed away nervously. "Please don't hit me, Sakura-chan," she whined plaintively. When Sakura didn't say anything, or in fact do anything but twitch several more times, he took a step forward. "Sakura-chan?" he asked, worry plain in his voice.

"I'm sorry," the… other girl said flatly. "I'm trying to figure out how I could have missed the fact that you don't have an Adam's apple, given how many times I've throttled you."

"It was a transformation technique, sort of," Naruto explained. "The Hokage used it on me when I was young. He said that it was because I'd be safer being on my own as a boy." She grimaced. The third genin on the team began to laugh, and Naruto turned to him, snarling. "What are you laughing at, bastard?" she demanded.

Uchiha Sasuke shook his head slowly as he stood. "This is too rich, dead last. I wasn't planning on telling you all this, but I suppose I should. It'll end some annoyances, at least." He gave Sakura a hostile glare before pointing at Kakashi. "You," he stated. "Turn around, old man."

Kakashi complied, realizing what was about to happen. A moment later both Naruto and Sakura gasped.

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura breathed.

"You," Naruto muttered, disbelieving.

"I hate taking these things off," Sasuke muttered. A few moments later, he told Kakashi that he could turn around. The jounin was not surprised to see the pile of bandages by Sasuke's feet, nor the now-unbound breasts - rather large for a child her age - now visible on her chest. "So you see why I find your attentions… displeasing," she snarled at Sakura, who was blinking rapidly.

"Are you okay, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke crossed her arms under her breasts. "I suppose I should also say that my name is Uchiha Sayuri." She grimaced. "It was decided that a lone, female heir to the Uchiha Clan would be too vulnerable to threats from inside and outside the village."

Kakashi's eye turned to Sakura. "Your turn, I suppose," he stated.

Sakura paled. "You know?" she asked, horrified.

Kakashi blinked. He'd been joking. "You're a boy?"

"Not at the moment," Sakura muttered, standing as well. "I suppose there's no point in hiding it now." She glared in turn at her teacher and her teammates. "Never breath a word of this," she said. "I'm not suppose to be telling you about my bloodline limit, since it's not as useful if people know about it."

Kakashi's eye widened. Even he had never heard that the tiny Haruno Clan had a bloodline limit. Sakura formed a rapid sequence of seals, and then she… shifted. A moment after that, looking ludicrous in his ill-fitting red dress, he grinned at the Uchiha heiress. "So, how about a date, Sayuri-chan?" Sakura asked. The newly revealed girl backed away, eyes widening in dawning horror as she clearly realized that her revelation was not going to have the desired effect.

"Damn it," Naruto muttered quietly. "She… he still wants the bastard."

"That's because you're still an idiot," Sakura snapped at her. "Anyway," he said, turning to Kakashi. "I was born male, but it's the tradition in the Haruno Clan for all children to be raised as girls, since it's easier to train a girl to act like a boy then the other away around."

Kakashi rubbed at his forehead. "What a coincidence," he muttered. "I wonder how all three of you, of all people, wound up in a team together."

The three new genin traded a look, then Sakura shifted back to female form. "Hokage-sama, you pervert," the three girls growled in unison.

"I thought about not telling you this," Nara Shikamaru stated, "but I decided it would be troublesome if I hid it and then you all found out."

"What?" Sarutobi Asuma, his new jounin teacher, asked.

"I'm gay," Shikamaru answered.

"What, you too?" Ino asked suddenly. Asuma blinked.

"Wait a minute," Shikamaru asked. "What about Uchiha?"

"Oh, that." Yamanaka Ino waved her hand negligently. "Sakura-chan had a crush on him, but she'd never have worked up the courage to do anything about it if I didn't goad her like that, and I wanted her to be happy, so…"

Shikamaru blinked. "You're in love with Haruno!"

"Oh, thank you for just shouting it out!" Ino snarled at him. "You didn't see me telling everyone that you obviously have the hots for Sasuke-kun yourself!"

Shikamaru was too engrossed in the ensuing argument with Ino to notice the sudden look of crushed hope in Chouji's eyes, but Asuma wasn't. "Damn old pervert," he muttered.

Yuuhi Kurenai was presently vomiting, grateful she'd made it to a toilet. Despite what her friend Mitarashi Anko loudly declared, Kurenai was not a prude, thank you very much. She was a well-adjusted young woman with a healthy sex drive, even if she didn't flaunt it like a certain snake-obsessed kunoichi who was infamous for sleeping with more people, both male and female, than anyone else in the village. Still, this had been too much.

She'd decided to spy on her new students after letting them go from their first meeting, wanting to see how they acted with each other in the absence of an authority figure. The pile of naked, sweaty, intertwining twelve-year-old bodies she had discovered was disturbing enough. Then she had seen the dog, which had been enough to give her nightmares for weeks. Then, the bugs…

Retching up a fresh wave of vomit, Kurenai swore to herself that she was going to get revenge on Anko. Somehow, this had to be her fault. It just to had to be.

Author's Random Ramblings

Well, that's a wrap. Thanks go to everyone who commented on the FFML, of whom there are too many to list.